A $50 Deed...

Need some legal work done? My office charges $50 for a deed. It is prepared at the direction of an attorney by a paralegal or legal assistant. Then reviewed by an attorney. My assistant said to me the other day while reviewing one "Look, that's $50 right on your desk." Temporarily confused and excited, I began looking for a $50 bill. "No No! The Deed!" She said. "You get $50 for that deed!"

Please. $50. Yah right. Let me tell you about how much I get for that Deed....

First, I need to pay for an advertisement in the phone book to let you know I can even do this deed for you. Then I need to pay for a space to have my office. Then I need to pay for a person to answer your phone call. Then I need another person to transfer you to when I am unavailable to take your phone call. Then I need to pay for the telephone that the staff used to talk to you. And the computer. And printer. Ink for the printer. And paper. Pen. Employer Tax. A Retirement Account for them. Every once in a while I gotta pay for the food to feed them. That's on top of the lights, internet, heat, malpractice insurance, general liability insurance, et cetera. And then I pay the accountant to pay all those bills and figure out how much I can pay myself. Then after all that I have to pay the other two shareholders in my office to allow me the opportunity to earn money?!

Oh, and by the way, that's assuming you even pay your bill. Because you probably already feel that I overcharged you for that deed.

So then assuming all of that- which of course is a big assumption- and assuming that I did enough deeds to cover all the expenses listed above (because I could do all of that and not have enough money to pay myself) then I get to fund my own retirement account. That's right- nobody but me is putting money in the retirement account. There is no employer contribution when you are the employer. Oh, and I pay 100% of my health insurance. And then I pay my employer contribution of my wages (7.5%). Then we get to the point where we can discuss what amount I get to take home. But wait- Paid Holidays for me? Yah right. I pay my staff holidays and sick leave, but if I'm not there to do the work then I'm not getting paid.

Then I pay myself a wage. Which again applies the FICA tax, a federal tax and a state tax. So finally I get some money in my pocket. I use this money to pay the for gas to get to work and a  babysitter to watch Emi so I can go to work tomorrow and do the exact same thing.

Being The Boss is the best!