Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Funny Conversations

Client: "How does the fact that my ex and I have merengue with my current girlfriend affect my child custody case?"
Attorney "What are meranges?"
Client: "You know, sexual relations with all three of us together."
Attorney: "I think that's called a menage -a- trois."
Client: "I knew it was some French word."

Colleague: "Did you meet your husband while on vacation?"
Me: (dumbfounded)

Monday, July 29, 2013

The Original Grandma Van Wyk

Long before my mom became "Grandma Van Wyk" there was this Grandma Van Wyk:

(On a side, how funny is it that you are eventually going to be known by your mother-in-law's moniker?!)

While we were not particularly close to my Grandma and Grandpa Van Wyk growing up (my dad was the oldest child) I have a lot of memories of my Grandma and Grandpa Van Wyk. I believe my love for Christmas Stockings comes from Christmas Time with the Van Wyk side when Grandma Van Wyk would fill our stockings full of crayons, notebooks, coloring books, and those little candy buttons. Plus, to say I adored my cousins (I am second to youngest) is an understatement, so spending time with Grandma meant spending time with cousins.

My Grandma Van Wyk is probably the craftiest person I know. Growing up she would make us dolls, bookmarks and stamp collections. I really did enjoy making crafts at Grandma's.

Some could say my vulgar mouth comes from my Grandma. I distinctly remember a conversations she was telling my dad about a lady at church she was angry with. Apparently the lady told my Grandma "I need to pee so bad I can taste it." And my Grandma said "Well, why don't you eat it?!"

It's been nearly twenty years since I last dealt with a sick family member. My Grandpa Vos died just two days after my 12th birthday? So when my Dad called me this week to tell me I needed to go visit my Grandma if I wanted to see her one last time, it felt very surreal. While we all know death is a guarantee in life (much like taxes) there is still a level of denial. In fact, when my dad informed me they'd be moving my Grandma to hospice in the next few days, I reminded my dad how they sent Aunt Gerdy to hospice earlier in the year and she walked right out of there! My dad reminded me that Aunt Gerdy was the only person he ever heard of to walk out of hospice.

So the Takekawa's made the trip to Mahaska County Hospital (interestingly the location of both my parent's births and my Grandpa Vos's death). I asked the nurse for my Grandma's room. I peeked in the door and did not recognize the lady laying there. I went back to the nurse to get the correct room (afterall they did send me to room 207 which was on the third floor) and she looked at me with sad eyes to inform me that was the correct room.

I walked into the room and she instantly said "Dawn!" While we didn't have very engaging conversation (In her words "[she] doesn't know anything") she tell remind me of a few important things.

1. What beautiful is today is not what beautiful used to be.
2. I have the most sweetest pretty baby she has ever seen!

Emi blew her kisses the whole time we were there. My Grandma loves babies, and I know having Emi blow her kisses over and over filled my Grandma's heart with joy. In fact, my Grandma then moved a bit to blow Emi a kiss back!

As we walked out of the room, I told Grandma I loved her. And she told "[she] would see me again ... hopefully."

I hope so too!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Cable TV, Unicorns and Ice Cream Trucks...

Cable TV, Unicorns and Ice Cream Trucks. What do these three things have in common? They didn't exist in my childhood. In fact, I can remember the day in 2002, I was visiting a college friend who resides in Kansas City. As we were sitting on her front porch I heard some familiar music growing louder. Suddenly, before my eyes, like straight out of Hollywood, was an Ice Cream Truck! I couldn't believe my eyes, for I thought this took place only in the movies, and here I was in the Midwest ready to order an ice cream cone from the sweet little truck with a bunch of 6 year olds.

I called my mom is excitement. "Ice Cream Trucks really exist, Mom!!" My Mom calmly replied "Yes, they exist here in Ankeny too. When we lived in town we could not afford ice cream from those trucks so we brought you girls inside." What?!? (Editor's Note: My parents broke down and purchased cable tv when I was about 10. The Van Wyks were the last residents in Polk County, however, to switch to high speed internet from dial-up).

The other day we were visiting Clear Lake when the familiar sound of the ice cream truck sounded. I sprinted to my car, grabbed a few bucks, and danced with Emi all the way down the street to buy some ice cream.

Emi loved it! (Despite my Mom's request "Who wants to buy ice cream from a freezer in a truck that has been driving around town all day? Lets go get some real ice cream." But real ice cream places don't play fun music. And they don't pull up to your driveway. And real ice cream places existed in my childhood.

Now on to my search for Unicorns....

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Revenge is Best Served....

The other day I was telling my mom a story about somebody who has constantly done incredibly rude things to me. I told my mom how little I was concerned about this person's behavior because "revenge is best served..." And suddenly I couldn't remember just how best revenge was served. So I googled it, and this is what I found:

"Revenge is a dish best served cold" the best payback is the one that comes with planning, and that brings the most horrendous pain to your enemies when they are not expecting and are just enjoying the fruits of all the dishonor they brought upon you. One must wait so he can really inflict pain to those who wronged him. Careful planing is necessary so your enemies will suffer terribly, but you won't be harmed by the Law or by your enemies' allies.

After reading this I thought perhaps this coldness was too much for me. Maybe.

10 Things....

1. I haven't blogged in so long I hardly remember how to do it.

2. Do you ever dread looking at something because you think you messed it up. There is nothing like the feeling of being pleasantly surprised when you see you didn't mess anything up at all!

3. I'm so guilty of wishing time away. Today as I felt the nice cool breeze I couldn't help but look forward to Fall! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. I became a shareholder at my office on March 1. I have been referred to more as an "associate" than a "shareholder" by them since that date. Bummer.

5. My housekeeper, Irma, started today. I can tell we are going to become really good friends.

6. After I get done working I am going to download some new episodes of Giuliana and Bill!

7. I'm dying to hear what the new royal baby is named!

8. Ever since Google Blogger stopped working I have lost interest in blogging because I can't easily access my friends' blogs. Somebody bring me up to speed with a new app!

9. The other day I walked into somebody's home and it stunk of weed. Weird.

10. Watch What Happens Live is still my favorite show!