Mary the Mediator

There is a joke in my family that started years ago with my mom. She answers telephone calls for her business. Some days, after speaking to more dumb people than she can handle, she loses her patience. And right before my eyes my mom, Pauline (owner of the business), turns into Mary.

Mary cops an attitude with people. Mary doesn't take crap from anybody. And Mary has no concern about job security. And when the customer can't stand Mary's attitude any longer, they ask my Mom (Pauline) for her name to report her to management and she responds "Mary." My dad gets quite angry when Mary shows up to work. My dad has gotten more complaints about Mary than any other employee. Quite frankly, I don't know how my dad can hold it together on the phone when these people are going on and on about this b&#%h, Mary, and Mary doesn't even exist!

I have mentioned in the past that a large part of my law practice is mediation. In mediation, I serve as a neutral third party who works with two opposing attorneys and their clients to resolve their divorce.  I'm a somewhat popular mediator in Polk County. Most people report that I don't beat around the bush, I am very frank with people, and have a high settlement rate.

But after years of mediation, I'm starting to get tired. I'm tired of people telling me that they aren't going to send their 5 year old on visitation with their dad if their 5 year old "doesn't want to go." I'm sick of people completely screwing up their children's lives because they carry so much hate in their heart for their ex-spouse. I'm so tired of people complaining about paying child support. So when I get into mediations with particularly whiny people, Dawn the Mediator turns into Mary the Mediator. I lose my patience, and I break all Mediator's Oaths and tell these people what I really think. I cop a bad attitude that you think would be really bad for business. I have such a bad attitude that I'm certain in some mediations, people just settle their case because they are scared to piss me off any more.

In fact, I told a few attorneys the other day that I needed to stop mediating for awhile because I was not doing a good job being sympathetic and patient with their clients. I get the same response over and over- while they clients may not love her, the attorneys love Mary the Mediator. Mary gets it done.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful that Emi is now in a forward-facing car seat. I love turning around to look at her and seeing her sweet little smile.

I'm thankful for fresh white snow and anti-lock brakes.

I'm thankful for friends. I've got some pretty great friends.

I'm thankful for the new show West End Salvage. One of Emi's BDCFF (Best Daycare Friends Forever) is on the show! That makes me feel like she's kind of a big deal when she has friends like that.

I'm thankful for my co-worker, Anne. If you knew her you would understand. Every day I ask somebody for a pep talk at work. Usually only Anne pulls through for me. She can always find something to smile about.

I'm thankful for my new boss that is starting on March 1. Some say she's a real trip, but I think she'll be okay.

I'm thankful that I have so much to be thankful for! So lucky!

Where Are Your People?

The other day I was asking my Aunt about my cousin's husband's new job. Me: "Does he like his new job." Aunt: "Yes. He often flies in private jets with other wealthy people. And that's where his people are." I said "His people?"

My Aunt went on to explain this saying in their family that I have now adopted. You see, we all have to find our people. Our people are where we feel most comfortable. Where we feel most happy. My other cousin, Christi, recently found her people. She found them in the outdoor heated VIP section at Principal Park!

I may have not found precisely where my people are, but I do know where my people are not.

Example:

Jeff (My Boss): "Do you want to buy Barnstormer season tickets?"
Me: "No. My people don't go there."

Where are your people?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Wait! Let's try that again!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Little Mama

There is a new Mama in this house.

She feeds the baby. Every once in a while she'll sneak a drink of the baby's bottle!

And then Emi burps the baby.

If you think it looks like she is spanking the baby- don't worry- Tommy thought the same thing. Also, the reason there is all the laundry on the floor in the background is because I'm a really bad housekeeper Emi likes to help me do the laundry by pulling it all out of the basket. She also likes to watch me vacuum and unload the dishwasher.

Emi is also honing her driving skills. She may need some private lessons, Grandma and Grandpa!

Now that Emi is Mom I think I'll change my name to Boss.

Sometimes You Just Know

This morning while I was driving on the interstate to work I saw the police had a guy pulled over on the side of the road subjecting him to a field sobriety test.

Immediately I knew that maybe I didn't have as good of night as that guy, but I was definitely going to have a better day than him!

10 Things...

1. I can't believe that Beyonce and I are the same age. She is so much cooler than me.

2. I have a baby who sleeps really well. I used to sleep really well like back in 2011. That is annoying.

3. Do you ever watch the show Shark Tank? I enjoy it in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Seriously, how annoying is it that a lady who cut a whole in middle of a towel for kids is now a millionaire? Why can't I think of stuff like that?!?

4. I'm excited for Valentine's Day. Emi will be sporting her red shirt that says "I'm cuckoo for you" with some cute leggings and a jean skirt. This cute outfit will surely help her friends forget how bad of gas she had last week at daycare.

5. Speaking of daycare, there are a few things I absolutely love about daycare. I love when I bring Emi in the morning and the kids all run to me and give me and Emi hugs. I also love when I pick Emi up and the kids look around the corner at the door and then yell "Emi's mom is here!"  That's right kids... mama's here.

6. People who know my grandma shouldn't be surprised with some stuff that comes out of my mouth. Today my grandma was watching Pawn Stars and said to my mom "Do I have this channel at home." Mom replies: "I don't think so." I interrupt  "Why? Did you like that show?" Grandma: "No, I was cancel my cable if they had a show like this on."

7. Emi's word of the week is "Yah!" Ask her anything and she will respond "Yah!" Last week the word was also "Yah!" But the week before it was "Oh no!"

8. I watch Suze Orman. She has a segment where she grades people on how they are spending their money. I went on the internet to try to figure out her formula so I could figure out my grade. Through this process I learned that people my age have an average net worth of $8,500.00.

9. Here is the link to find out your grade: http://www.frugalconfessions.com/financial-health/what-kind-of-grade-would-you-get-on-suze-orman%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%9Chow-am-i-doing%E2%80%9D-segment.php

10. Its time to end this blog because Emi is yelling "yah!" over and over from her crib! I need to go ask her a bunch of questions I have been waiting on answers for.

A Friendly Game of Scrabble

Tommy, Grandma and I played a fun game of scrabble this evening. My mom served as a referee. You would have heard the following conversations:

Grandma to me: "Since when is 've' a word?"
Me: "Since the French beat the Indians in that war. It means GO!"

Me: "Is 'wo' a word? Hmmm.... I think it is."
Tommy: "Use it in a sentence."
Me: "I know a man named Jason Wo. Or maybe it is Jason Wu."

10 Things...

1. I was not going to write a blog post today because I feel really negative, but then I read a somewhat negative post from one of my friends and decided that its therapeutic. :-)

2. The only thing worse than a sick kid is a sick mom and sick kid. I can hardly take care of myself. And no matter how good dad is when kiddos are sick they just want their mama.

3. Emi has gas so bad that when I smell it I think I'm going to vomit.

4. I felt bad sending Emi to daycare with gas today. Hopefully the kids are young enough that she doesn't lose any friends over it.

5. Sometimes when you are sick for so long you wonder if you will ever feel better or wonder if this is as good as you will ever feel.

6. I am so behind at work that I don't even care.

7. I hate when you sign up for a new service and they tell you what your first bill will be and then you get your first bill and its not right.

8. I hate how you can buy a cup of soup for the same price that you can make 26 cups at home. But who wants to make soup when you're sick?

9. I hate how nice days make you feel like spring is around the corner but it is really just months away, but I also don't want it to be cold! Seriously there is no pleasing me today!

10. I hate feeling like I'm running a rat race. And I totally feel that way lately.

Happy Birthday, Emi!

Happy Birthday to my sweet but sick little girl. That's right. Sick.

I picked Emi up from daycare on Friday and about an hour later she had a major blowout. Like major. So we got her cleaned up and didn't think much of it. Until 2am. Tommy went into her room because she was coughing so bad. He brought her in our room where she proceeded to vomit. Everywhere. We got her soiled clothes off and Tommy went to get into the shower. I got her nice and cozy in her new jammies where she promptly had another spell of diarrhea simultaneous to puking. Tommy quickly got out of the shower to grab Emi to put her in the shower. I started what would be the first of at least one hundred loads of laundry. I thought I got all the vomit out of the carpet but when we woke up in the morning we found I had missed some. Or a lot.

We have pretty much kept Emi in our room all weekend. We have blankets covering almost everything. And our bedroom is the only carpet in the house.

So her birthday is being postponed until next Sunday.

Lucky Emi. She gets two birthdays!