Fronting: A facade. Appearing one way, but really acting another. Misrepresenting yourself.
I front all the time. And I front the most to Emi. That's right. I always pretend to her that everything is okay.
"Oh, you want to grab my earrings or my cell phone for the ten thousandth time today- that's fine."
When I'm really stressed out after a long day at work and am really tired and super stressed out, I totally front to Emi like this world is completely awesome and I have no care in the world but her.
I think she appreciates it. I don't feel guilty about it.
I see my friends front to their kids. The mom who is stressed out about her child starting a new school- when the child doubts himself she fronts and says it will for sure go great- when really she is just as nervous about the new school year as her son. And this mom that I'm talking about- she goes the extra mile when she fronts to her child. She even pretends the square pizza that is served at school is great!
I had no idea how much my mom fronted. I think about that often when I am fronting. I think about the time our home was burglarized and I made my mom sleep in my bed for a year because I was so scared. She never told me she was upset. She never told me she was sad about the situation. She acted like sleeping in my bed until I fell asleep was just fine. I asked my mom the other day "Was it really hard after our house was burglarized sleeping in my bed every night because I was scared?" My mom said... "I cried so many nights about that." I had no idea. And I'm sure to some extent... my mom still fronts to me today.
So I'll keep fronting. And hopefully Emi will have no idea. That is, until she becomes a mom one day herself....
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