Funny Conversation.. Tommy Edition

Me: "If we had two gay friends who asked Emi to be a flowergirl in their wedding would you allow it?"
Tommy: "No" (long pause) "Emi is just so pretty and cute that she would draw all the attention from the rest of the wedding and that just wouldn't be right."

Me after Tommy telling me one of his friend's wife is expecting: "Did you tell him how awesome it is to be a dad?"
Tommy: "No."
Me: "Why not?!"
Tommy: "The only reason being a dad is so great is because Emi is so awesome. His baby wont be as awesome as Emi so I didn't want him to get his hopes up."

Me after complaining to Tommy about my headache and them him accidentally elbowing me in the head: "Okay, now I'm ready to die."
Tommy very seriously: "Honey, you can't! You haven't told me what kind of casket you want yet."

Tommy after me telling him a problem I'm having at work: "Well, you need to find a way to fix that yourself because your bosses aren't going to do anything about that."
Me: "How did you know that?"
Tommy: "I've been hearing you tell these stories for five years now and your bosses have never fixed a thing. Ever."