We're Still Going to be Friends...

I received a call last week from a potential client ("PC") stating that him and his wife needed to come see me for a divorce.

PC: "We're going to stay really good friends though. This is going to be quick and easy. We just want to be divorced."

Note: I love clients like this. NOT!! News Flash: If you are going to see a  lawyer it is probably not going to be quick, and it is definitely not easy.

Me: "Well, I can only represent one of you so don't bring her to the appointment. She doesn't have to get an attorney, but that is up to her."

Client shows up a few days later and I walk into the meeting.

Me: "I believe we spoke over the phone a little bit about your situation."
Client"Yes, I need to get divorced but my wife and I will remain really good friends."
Me: "Good Luck!"

(Now I see he didn't like my little comment so I continue on trying to ignore the awkwardness)

Me: "So, have you and your wife talked about who is going to be awarded the house."
Client: "We are both going to live there."
Me: "Like Forever? Or until she finds a new place?"
Client: "Forever"
Me: "Well wont that be weird like bringing over your girlfriend when your ex still lives there?"
Client: "No. We've already been doing that."
Me: "Well who is going to pay for it?"
Client: "Me."
Me: "Well that's a pretty sweet deal for her don't you think?"

(Now I'm trying to hold back my giggles).

Me: "So what vehicle are you going to take?"
Client: "Why are you asking me such stupid questions?"
Me: "Well, we will need to award the house, cars, retirements to either of you in the divorce."
Client: "Why? We're going to stay really good friends."
Me: "So when you stop being really good friends, we know who takes what shit."

(Now I'm waiting for one of my bosses to walk through the door letting me know I'm being punked.)

Client: "Well I just don't think you need to know any of this."
Me: "Well, I do. And you can let her take one of your cars. But you better contact your insurance agent because you're going to have to insure that differently if you are no longer spouses because "Really good friends" are never considered regular drivers for insurance purposes. And... you may want to let her know she is going to get booted off your health insurance."
Client: "No. I'm going to keep her on."
Me: "You can't have really good friends as your dependent on your employer based health plan."
Client: "Well, she can just go back on Title XIX. Its free and better than my health insurance anyway."
Me: "Well its not free. Its free to her. But we pay for it with tax dollars. Those doctors just don't work for free you know."
Client (silent).

The appointment continued on a bit longer. The meeting revealed that my client was contributing to an employer sponsored pension plan that he had no clue about. So that was good news for him.

As he left I sat in my office giggling about his stupid plan. And then I remembered a few conversations that Tommy and I had that went something like this.
Me prior to having Emi: "What happens if we find out that I cant have kids."
Tommy: "Then we'll be just friends, honey. But really good friends."

And this left me wondering... was Tommy serious?!?