I received a text from my girlfriend the other day. It said: "Had my first birthing class tonight." I replied: "I'm interested in hearing what they teach in those classes." Given that I completed just a few weeks of my online birthing class, none of which really came into play in the labor and delivery of Emi, I wondered if my labor could have been different had I attended this class. My friend has only completed one week of this course and is already having
Maybe I should teach one of these courses. This is what my course would look like:
1. Make as short of birthing plan as possible because you are going to throw it out the window anyway;
2. Rehearse a heartfelt speech for the nurse for the situation in which they tell you your contractions are not close enough to admit you to the hospital. Mine went something like this: "Ohmygod you cannot send me home in this much pain! Please do not send me home! I need to have this baby! Please!!!! If you send me home I'm just going to turn around and come right back!";
3. Even though the hospital list says pack one blanket and one pillow- pack two so that you will still have one when your husband steals the first one you brought;
4. Swear your husband to secrecy regarding any events that happen during the delivery. Remind him that if you ask if that actually happened during delivery he should, on no uncertain terms, tell you "no!"; and
5. Get an epidural.
If all else fails- forget steps 1-4 and remember step 5- it is the most important.
On a related note, my hospital bills are starting to be submitted to the insurance. My insurance hasn't processed them yet to tell me what I owe, but this is my thought...
The bill: $8,158.80 for "Room and Board" and Methodist Hospital for 2/3/12-2/5/12. My thoughts: Room and board? Is this college? No wonder the food tasted like crap! And this makes my "room and board" at college look very inexpensive!
The bill: $2,856.00 for "Surgery performed by A. Bingaman" aka: Delivery of Emi by Dr. Amy. My thoughts: Wow! I saw her for less than an hour! Oh... is this the same shock that people feel when they get my bill in the mail? Well, she sent a nice note after the delivery so I guess she was worth it.
The bill: $3003.21 for "Initial examination by Dr. Rinderknect" My thoughts: Well, I guess he saw her three times at the hospital which makes his rate lower than Dr. Amy.
The bill: $1,491.00 for "Related Medical Services" aka: Epidural. My thoughts: Wow! Is that all that costs? I would have paid ten times that- insurance or not!
Even though its not Thursday... I am beyond thankful for insurance!