Spousonomics

A while back I skimmed read a book "Spousonomics." The point of the book was how to divide up life tasks in your marriage. Specifically, the book focused on how in your marriage you should not divide up tasks 50/50 but rather you should each find the tasks that you either enjoy or are efficient at and complete those tasks. When each partner finds the tasks they are good and efficient at it results in more time for the spouses to take on fun things together rather than completing tasks. (Note: the book did not really address how to handle the situation when you are better and more efficient at almost everything than that of your spouse- talk to me about this in private.... just kidding.).

Tommy and I are usually pretty good at dividing our tasks based on strength, importance of tasks to each individual, and overall efficiency of the household. For example, I do not mind doing laundry, and I prefer to do laundry so that Tommy does not accidentally dry something I do not want dried. I am not that good at folding, and neither is he, but this is generally a task we do together. Tommy irons/steams his own dress shirts because I do not find that as important as he does (just wear a sweater of it). Tommy is a better cook than I am so he generally takes on that roll. He is also good and picking up dinner to go.

On a day to day basis, I would say the Takekawa's have a pretty strong economy. There are a few things that Tommy and I both fall short on. And thanks to my girlfriend, Laura, we will soon be resolving that issue by hiring a nice lady named Erma to come vacuum and mop our floors and clean our bathrooms. The book, however, would disagree and state that the Takekawa economy is not that strong. Here is a perfect example: the book says that if you have a light bulb that remains burnt out for a long period of time that would be a sign that your household is not functioning efficiently. I have had a light bulb burnt out in my bathroom for probably 3 8 months. In fact, now there are three light bulbs burnt out in my bathroom. However, neither Tommy nor myself care enough to walk downstairs (or go to home depot) to pick up the light bulbs. There are still 8 other lights that work in there. We can see just fine (or maybe not if you are thinking back to my post about my bathroom mirrors reflecting a much prettier person than my camera). I would contend that the book is wrong is stating that this is a sign of a failed household economy. We are saving time by waiting for more light bulbs to burn out. Also, if that inefficiency is not important to either of us should we really care? Ironically, I think about this every morning when I turn on my my bathroom light and see the bulb burnt out.

There is a time every year when our economy is reviewed and a deep discussion takes place about household tasks. The time of year always seems to coincide with a visit from his mother. See, Tommy's mom is good at cooking, cleaning up the dishes, and being a very traditional housewife (when she is at her own home). This is not my forte. While she is at our house the differences in our strengths (or what things she is better than me at as we would never discuss what I can do better than her) are highlighted. I can see the disappointment in my husbands face when he realizes its dinner time and not only have I not prepared anything but there is nothing in our kitchen to prepare. I think he is somewhat embarrassed that this is not a task that I am good at or even care to be good at (even though he always says he didn't marry me for my cooking). I, in turn, hate feeling like I have no worth in the Takekawa economy because I did not prepare or even attempt to prepare dinner (nor lunch nor any other meal for that matter).  In my mind I am thinking "yes, while I am not a great cook, I am good at earning money that can buy us better tasting food, and we can spend the time we would otherwise preparing it just spending time together."

So again last night we discussed our economy. And we came to the same conclusion that we always do...  our economy runs well the way we have it. It does not make sense for us to change tasks, and we do not think that we would have a happier life if I in fact was able to cook a meal every night. It is a good reminder that you cannot measure the value of one spouse based on one factor in the marriage. Just because one person does not work, does not cook, or does not clean does not mean they do not play an important role in the economy. You have to do what works best for your household and not compare your economy to anybody else's.