Me: "Honey, did you hear what the doctor said today?"
Tommy: "Yes. You are dialed to three!"
Text Message from my girlfriend, Andrea: "Remember when I told you that in the shower photo you didn't look 9 months pregnant? You have now crossed the threshold to super pregnant which people do not remember that people get that big when pregnant." A few moments later.... "Which isn't to say you still don't look great..."
Test Message from my Mom: "I just colored my hair so your baby doesn't think her grandma is that old!"
Me telling a story to my girlfriend Katie: "Anne, from my office, says that she loves reading my blog because she thinks that the person she reads about is not the same person she works with everyday."
Katie: "Oh yah, I totally agree!"
Me; "But people really like who I am on my blog! What does that say about who I am in person?!"
After hearing my girlfriend, Laura, talk about all the unpleasantness of labor my pregnant girlfriend, Kimber (due May 14), turns to me in panic and exclaims "I'm so glad you're going first!" Long pause.... "Sorry."
This is a conversation with my attorney friend and her client:
Client: "My neighbor just called me and somebody is over at my wife's house mowing her lawn!"
Attorney: "Actually mowing her lawn or figuratively?"
Client: "I don't know what you mean."
Attorney: "Is he actually mowing her lawn or is he sleeping with her?"
Client: "Well, don't you think he is sleeping with her if he is mowing her lawn?"
Attorney: "Actually or figuratively?"
Client: "I don't understand!"
Attorney: "Does he actually cut the grass blades in the front yard of the house?"
Attorney to opposing counsel: "We have a problem. Apparently some guy is mowing your client's lawn."
Opposing Counsel: "Like having sex with her?"